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Dude Watches – Toy Soldiers

by Cord Culver on March 15, 2017


This week, the gang watches the 1991 CLASSIC– that’s right, I said it– Toy Soldiers.


This was my suggestion, thanks to a weirdly roundabout nod in one of our earlier episodes, and I gotta tell ya, not even remotely disappointed. Sure this movie is dated. Everything from the hair to the clothes to the cars feels straight out of 1989, but dammit if it doesn’t hold up for me. It’s a classic tale of not-so-bad “troubled” teens stand up to a group of narco-terrorists demanding the release of their head narco who have taken over their school and strapped bombs to everything. I’m sure the premise and beats have been cut and swamped in and out of damn near every action movie ever, but this one feels like the bits make sense. I loved this movie as a kid for all the same reasons that I enjoy it now: the relationship between the friends feels like a genuine friendship, sans all the homo-erotic hanging out in their tighty-whiteys. That felt a little out of place. But the friendships seemed real, and Louis Gossett Jr feels like a school dean is none-to-easily fooled. The supporting cast of character actors gives Toy Soldiers a greater pedigree than I think it probably deserves on paper. All in all, I still love this movie. 8 out of 10.


This movie brought back a lot of fond memories, particularly for those bad-but-good 90s action movies I loved watching when I was a kid. Sean Astin is perfect, I think, for this role that could have easily been parlayed to one of the 90s Corey’s (Haim or Feldman). Billy Temper is a kid with an attitude who don’t take no guff from no one. Louis Gossett Jr. plays a supporting role to a bunch of kids, and it’s not a comedic role. Many of the kids that attend this school have well-to-do parents, so they’re prime targets for nefarious, villainous, South-American terrorists. Hijinks ensue when these kids and these terrorists meet. The kids foil the terrorists. Wil Wheaton dies. They talk about choking chickens. None of this happens in the order in which I’m typing. Great movie. I’m going to settle on a 7.75. Bad acting, but it’s a fun hour and forty-five minutes.


I loved this movie. I love the cheesy set up. I love gavel gun. I love the pink lady getting elbow checked out the window. Sure, the movie has its shortcomings. Mostly that dude’s young ass shirt. And the fact that everyone is running around in their underwear as if in a homoerotic fantasy. I’m pretty sure Rafe would lose her shit if she watched this. As Morgan Freeman once said, you either get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’. And Sean Astin? He got busy asking terrorists to not to do that. And if his buddy who was shot in the chest, if he was okay. Sean Astin? He’s the real hero. I don’t know where I’m going with this. If you haven’t seen the movie, do yourself a favor and check it out. There are worse ways to spend $4 on Amazon.

Review us on iTunes. Leave a comment below or on our Facebook page. Catch up on our other episodes of Dude Watches, including Seasons 1 and 2 of The Leftovers, here. Finally, hit us up if you have a television series or a movie (or maybe a genre of something) that we should check out. Or give us something to talk about. Give us a question. Send us an email. Hell, I might even give you Cord’s phone number if you ask nicely!

Caleb (@OriginalCaleb) (

Cord (@TooFewWhales)

Will (@Ramtrap)

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