Post image for Dude Watches – Westworld (1973)

Dude Watches – Westworld (1973)

by Will Dutcher on December 14, 2016

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Okay, here’s the story. I have got to write this trashcan of a movie up for the post, and I’m not incredibly happy about it. It’s not the fact that I’m having to write this up, it’s that it’s about this movie. This–Westworld–was a terrible movie that no one should ever have to endure. It literally changed what I thought about Michael Crichton, who directed this movie.

Firstly, the movie can’t decide what it wants to be called. Is it “Westworld” or “Westernworld”? Why are there so many scenes at other parks that Delos owns? Why is it pronounced “day-LOHS” instead of “del-OHS”? Why is the acting so incompetent? There are many things to pick on about this movie. Those are just the ones I immediately thought of.

Want more? Here’s more: Why do the scientists die? Why is Yul Brynner in this movie? Why is Richard Benjamin the top-billed actor after Yul Brynner? Why would Peter give the robot water when she clearly indicated not to do so? Why are the ‘sex scenes’ so incredibly muted, poorly shot, poorly acted, and unbearably awkward?

Next, we come to questions such as: How did Peter know where the manhole cover was? Why were the fight scenes completely not choreographed? Why did the blood look like discount paint? Why are the three parks so close together? Why did there have to be a surplus of time dedicated to ‘geek chatter’ with the engineers (scientists? statisticians? cleaner crew?) on the mics? Why didn’t the robots recognize tire tracks when that giant fucking truck picked up the dead bodies? Why weren’t any of the park guests awake at night to witness bodies being picked up? Why did Cord give this movie a 6/10? Why did this movie ever get made?

You don’t get the answer to any of the questions, above.

Fuck this movie. I hated it. I hate that it has garnered more attention than our podcast. I hate knowing that Hollywood was pitched the idea and it was green-lit–with NO PLOT TO SPEAK OF!!! It’s an incredibly piss-poor movie with no redeeming value to me, personally, and while I understand there are real people who put real work into making this trash, I don’t feel bad for not liking it. Not everyone should get a participation award. Trash should be called as such. This was trash.

See you all in a few weeks when we pick up with Jude Law in HBO’s “The Young Pope,” debuting January 15, 2017!

Review us on iTunes. Leave a comment below or on our Facebook page. Catch up on our other episodes of Dude Watches, including Seasons 1 and 2 of The Leftovers, here. Finally, hit us up if you have a television series or a movie (or maybe a genre of something) that we should check out.

Caleb (@OriginalCaleb) (rafehatescaleb.com)

Cord (@TooFewWhales)

Will (@Ramtrap)

 

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